i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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