Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it hurts more in the daytime
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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