yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket