I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
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A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
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So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.