sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
