dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just tell him i said nine months
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
