I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one