three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
NoShamevember. You game?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
