Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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