Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
