My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
