I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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