Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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