is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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