On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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