Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
