I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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