ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
