Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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