If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My vagina just recognized that song.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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