I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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