honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
