I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
