Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
