You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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