i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
