You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
