Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
