This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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