I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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