i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
