I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
