Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
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