my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
