I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
