mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
