You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
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Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
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Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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