i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
