The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
