real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
