from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
