You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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