He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
