plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
