maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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