Her vagina should come with caution tape.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
