Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you will always have a special place in my vag
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
