he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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