i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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