i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
