One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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