my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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