I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
