Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize