Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
