if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
