He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
