Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
