can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
