if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
