she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
