so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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