i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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