Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
