Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
